you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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