It's like God shit irony all over that family
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
