Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A bitchslap is in order.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
