dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
