Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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