He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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