Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
