you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
