stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
