just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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