New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Randomize
