I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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