Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
