After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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