I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
