my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
