Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
