it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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