i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Are my feet made of real feet?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
