Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
