Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
