He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
