so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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