fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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