Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
