She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
