We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
