I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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