May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
