and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
