Who wears a wallet chain?!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
