im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
