Only a mothe r could love this liver
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
