Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
