sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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