First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
