watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
