Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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