What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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