He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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