i may or may not be watching the land before time
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
