Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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