I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
A+ Viking dick
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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