or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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