hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
