just tell him i said nine months
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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