I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize