wakey wakey hands off snakey
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Even my vagina gasped.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
