Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
