I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
someone owes me an orgasm
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
