The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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