u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
