I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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