guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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