Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
