he wants to bone in the snuggie
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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