A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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