So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
pop tarts are not kleenex
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
