At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
