i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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