I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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