Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We got so high we made milksteak
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize