Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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