omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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