I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
