I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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