I met the friendliest cop last night
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize