How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
