great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
