Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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