someone get that fucking seahorse.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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