im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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